And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
