Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We have started to decorate penises.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
