I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
