You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
