It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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