I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
