I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
