thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
