It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
