Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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