Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
