That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
