I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
pop tarts are not kleenex
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
