It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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