1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
