the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
