Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
