Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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