and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
