community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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