I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
