The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
