Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
