Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
