I'm pants shitting drunk right now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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