i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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