guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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