Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
