I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
