we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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