sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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