the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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