Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
