what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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