her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
