I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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