Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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