she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
