Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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