the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
