i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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