sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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