Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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