His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Never underestimate the power of titties
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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