apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
