Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
