If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
