pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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