Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
