she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
