all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
