Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
