Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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