not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
