He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am puke
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
